Should’ve, Could’ve, Would’ve

Finances are one of the leading causes of arguments among couples, trumping children and chores!

What is it about money that causes so much strife?

Whether it is savings (too much or too little), unexpected expenses, disagreements on needs versus wants, most problems can be traced back to a lack of communication.

People think others “should” respect their needs and desires, that they “could” be more understanding, and if they “would” just agree with you, misunderstandings could be avoided. In other words, we all want things our own way.

We often project our beliefs on our spouses without giving them the opportunity to present their opinion or view on a subject.

Let me use myself as an example. When I married my husband, my daughter was attending a private catholic school. (If you read my past blogs you are aware I was deeply in debt after my first marriage ended). My husband, Kelly, suggested we send my daughter to public school and put the tuition money toward helping me pay down my debt. We had a few arguments about this before we actually sat down and discussed why this was so important to me. I went to catholic schools my whole life….I attended an all-girls catholic high school and felt my education really helped to shape my character, my ethics, and helped to empower me as a woman. In other words, a private education was an important part of my core values. I wanted my daughter to have an experience that would be equally beneficial and I was willing to pay for that. I had considered the cost of education as part of my plan to pay off my debt, which I successfully accomplished ahead of schedule. My husband attended public schools and received an equally good education. Once he realized why attending a private school was so important to me and he accepted it, there were no more arguments. He may not have understood or agreed with me 100%, but he was willing to accept it.

It is unfair to expect your spouse to agree with all of your needs or want because you think he or she “should.”

A marriage is a partnership that requires compromise and sometimes sacrifice. Good open communication can help you to understand each other and decrease the arguments around all things financial.

The next time you are having a disagreement about a financial matter and you think, “I wish he or she would, could, or should do something” just because it is what you want, take the opportunity to pause and ask yourself why you feel this way? Consider discussing the pros and cons of whatever it is you are arguing about and take the time to understand your partner’s viewpoint first.

Note: Due to industry regulations on communication, we are unable to allow for public comments on this blog. Please feel free to email me your questions and/or comments to kathy@fishandassociates.com. Securities and Investment Advisory Services offered through NFP Securities, Inc., Member FINRA/SIPC. NFP Securities, Inc. is not affiliated with Fish & Associates.

Does Financial Stress Make Men Fat?


This headline from one of my financial planning journals caught my eye this morning. According to a study conducted by AVIVA USA (an insurance company) and the Mayo Clinic, the results suggest “stress caused by finances might cause men to gain too much weight”.

Other findings included that 2/3 of the men in the study reported they were very stressed and the biggest contributor to their stress was personal finances. Weight gain from stress is one the many side effects of stress in our society.

Even though a high percentage of men admitted finances were the main cause, half of these men said they do not discuss their finances with others (including a spouse), and only 1 in 5 of these men work with a financial advisor.

If you are a woman who is married and thinks that your husband is “taking care of business” it might be a good time to take the lead and initiate a conversation with your spouse or significant other. Many men feel it is their duty or obligation to be responsible for the finances of the household, including investments, even if they don’t have a clue what they are doing. This may prove to be detrimental to his health and your financial future. And your spouse is unlikely to admit this to you voluntarily. Men place a lot of value on being perceived as intelligent and many men think that they “should” know how to invest successfully to prepare for the family’s future.

My challenge to you is to find a financial planner that you are comfortable talking to and then to approach your spouse about getting a second opinion, to determine if you are on track as a family.

I suggest you first schedule a time with your spouse to have a conversation about your finances. Dig deep. Ask how he feels about his investment strategy, about his job about the amount of money that you may owe. Admit to your spouse if you don’t understand investments and share any feelings of stress that you have around money. Let him know it is not his sole responsibility to know everything about money , or to shoulder the burden of your family finances. Talk about his expertise in his chosen field and point out that the average person couldn’t perform his job with any level of expertise, and you don’t expect him to have full knowledge of tax, law, investments, insurance and other complex financial topics.

You can introduce the concept of going to a financial advisor to see what areas might possibly be improved upon. A second set of eyes can help to uncover potential blind spots.

By helping your spouse to realize that you don’t expect him to know everything about finances, you open the possibility of taking a real source of stress out of his life and improve his health in the process.

The survey findings show “ there is a need for men to increase their overall health as it relates to stress, weight and their financial preparedness” I encourage you to find a financial planner that you are comfortable talking to and set up an appointment to get a second opinion. By taking the initiative yourself to interview a few advisors, you become an integral part of the process and solution. Your spouse may appreciate this more than you’ll ever know! Note: Due to industry regulations on communication, we are unable to allow for public comments on this blog.

 Please feel free to email me your questions and/or comments to kathy@fishandassociates.com.
Securities and Investment Advisory Services offered through NFP Securities, Inc., Member FINRA/SIPC. NFP Securities, Inc. is not affiliated with Fish & Associates.

5 Warning Signals for Future Financial Woes

My last blog discussed why you should have open and honest discussions about money and how it will be handled before you enter into a new life together.  Here are my top 5 red flags for potential future financial trouble. Read carefully and discuss with your partner.

1.      You discover your fiancé’s credit card debt is more than 10% of his income.  If you ask your fiancé how much he/she pays monthly and the answer is “the minimum," watch out.  You could be paying off debt for the next 10 to 20 years of your marriage.

2.      Your fiancé uses the cash advance feature on his credit cards. There is never a good reason to do this.  You pay higher interest starting from day one, whether you pay your bill each month or not.  This demonstrates impulsive behavior.

3.      Your fiancé puts everything on a credit card and does not pay off the balance each month. He uses the excuse that he will pay it off when his bonus comes in.  In the meantime, he is paying 12% to 24% interest.  As the old saying goes, patience is a virtue.  The new couch can be ordered (or whatever the purchase may be) after the bonus is paid.  Impulse buying gets a lot of people into trouble.

4.      No savings account.  If your fiancé has no savings account, no matter what their job is, that should be a red flag.  It indicates they spend all (or likely more) than they earn.  That habit is difficult to break and can cause major problems in the future, especially if you are a saver.

5.      Refusal to make a budget – this goes back to #4.  My number one rule is pay yourself first.  My number 2 rule is don’t spend more than you earn.  Some people stick their heads in the sand because they don’t want to know how deeply in debt they are!

If you have observed any of the behaviors listed below, be aware.  These can be red flag indications for future financial woes!

Note: Due to industry regulations on communication, we are unable to allow for public comments on this blog. Please feel free to email me your questions and/or comments to kathy@fishandassociates.com. Thank you.

Securities and Investment Advisory Services offered through NFP Securities, Inc., Member FINRA/SIPC. NFP Securities, Inc. is not affiliated with Fish & Associates.

Know Your Fiance's Financials

I was reading an article in a financial planning journal, titled “Couples Choose Love, Despite Financial Woes."   In the article, 32% of people surveyed by TD Ameritrade said they would call off the wedding if their partner declared bankruptcy, while 27% said they would hesitate or postpone the wedding, and 41% said they would do neither.  In other words, they would go ahead and get married.  Ladies, if you fell into the 41% who would do nothing, please read on.

One of the first steps you should take before you move in with or decide to marry someone is to discuss and be open and honest about your financial situation.

If your partner is evasive, or not willing to share financial information, this should be considered a warning signal.  I’ve said this before in my blog, but it is worth repeating, “many people are more willing to discuss their sex life than discuss their current financial situation."  Please note, just because someone is in what you perceive as a high paying position, or earns a big salary, does NOT mean they are a good stewards of money.  You have to delve in deeper to understand your partner’s money personality.

In our court system, there is a process called voir dire, which means “to speak the truth."  Schedule a time to have an open discussion about both your current situations.  It is imperative you share any financial baggage you have and uncover any financial issues your partner may have.  This will allow you to have a full understanding of what you are getting into from a financial perspective.  Why, you may ask?  Once married, your spouse’s credit rating can have a negative impact on your credit rating.  You may not be able to quality for a home loan, a car loan, or a new credit card.  A person with a bad driving record can cause your insurance to be cancelled.  These are just a few of the consequences of being involved with a partner who does not manage their finances properly.   

How do I know this?  From personal experience.  When I was divorced 23 years ago, my husband had charged our credit cards to the max and was not paying the bills on time.  Once we were separated and ultimately divorced they became my responsibility, but the damage was already done!  I was embarrassed when I could not qualify for a car loan and when I could not refinance a 12% mortgage because of my tarnished credit history.

I managed to pay everything off, but not without irrevocable damage (temporary, but 7 years is a long time!).  This often happens post-marriage, as it did for me.  You can avoid further problems with your fiancé or partner in advance by open honest discussions.  This is the only way to make an informed decision if your partner’s money history is less than squeaky clean.

It is better to know and work through this on the front end then to regret it and suffer from the consequences.  This is serious business and it is your financial future.  Don’t take it lightly!

Check back for next week to read about the red flags to be aware of.

Note: Due to industry regulations on communication, we are unable to allow for public comments on this blog. Please feel free to email me your questions and/or comments to kathy@fishandassociates.com. Thank you.

Securities and Investment Advisory Services offered through NFP Securities, Inc., Member FINRA/SIPC. NFP Securities, Inc. is not affiliated with Fish & Associates.

No Investment is Risk Free

I’m often asked for the secret formula to successful investing. I think Peter Lynch said it best when posted the question: “How do I make money in the stock market?”  His answer was, “The key to making money in stocks is not to get scared out of them.”  In addition to not being scared out of the market, you can be rewarded for buying more shares when other investors are selling. Another key to investing is understanding all the different types of investment risks.  Even guaranteed investments like CDs that are FDIC insured carry risk.  CDs are subject to inflation risk.  If you earn 1%, inflation is 2% and you are in the 30% tax bracket.  Your CDs have a negative 1.3% rate of return.  That’s what we call in the investment business “going broke safely.”  The moral of this story is that if you are looking for an investment without any risk, stop looking.  You won’t find one.

All investments have risks – just different kinds and degrees.  So it’s important to know what the specific risks are and how they can affect your portfolio.**

Market Risk: Stock market ups and downs are unpredictable.  So market risk – the possibility that investments will lose value because of a decline in the securities markets – may be the risk you about first.  Choosing an appropriate investment strategy and sticking with it may help your portfolio survive a volatile market.

Interest Rate Risk: You may think you can avoid the uncertainty of the stock market by investing in bonds.  But bond investments have their own risks.  Changes in interest rates affect bond prices.  When rates rise, prices of existing bonds fall because older bonds are paying less interest than newly issued bonds.  Holding a variety of bonds having different maturity dates may reduce interest rate risk.

Default Risk: Bonds are subject to another type of risk – the risk that the bond issuer won’t have money to make principal and interest payments to bondholders.  Generally, investors who buy lower rated “junk” bonds are more at risk from default than investors who hold investment grade bonds.  Check an issuer’s credit rating with a bond-rating agency, such as Moody’s or Standard & Poor’s, to minimize default risk.

Inflation Risk: Over the years, the rising costs of goods and services can reduce the purchasing power of your savings.  If you invest the bulk of your money in fixed income investments, you may be at risk of not earning enough to reach your long-term goals.  Consider investing a portion of your money in investments, such as stocks, with the potential for earning higher returns to help reduce inflation risk.

Currency Risk: Adding international investments to your portfolio may provide diversification.* But be aware that currency exchange rates, foreign taxation issues, and differences in auditing and financial standards, among other things, can affect the value of foreign investments.

Play a role: You can’t prevent investment risk, but you can take steps to moderate it.  By diversifying your portfolio, you improve your chances that gains in one asset class may offset losses in another.  And, when you invest for the long term, you’ll have more time to recoup any losses.

*Diversification does not ensure a profit or protect against loss in a declining market.

**Content written by Newkirk, as distributed to Symmetry Partners, LLC.

Note: Due to industry regulations on communication, we are unable to allow for public comments on this blog. Please feel free to email me your questions and/or comments to kathy@fishandassociates.com. Thank you.

Securities and Investment Advisory Services offered through NFP Securities, Inc., Member FINRA/SIPC. NFP Securities, Inc. is not affiliated with Fish & Associates.

Money Won’t Buy Happiness

I see people who are unhappy, even miserable because they spend most of their time comparing themselves to others.  It may be jealousy because their friend has a bigger house, makes more money, goes on better vacations, the list is endless.  Instead of being jealous, take a closer look at what is positive in your life.  Do you love your job and look forward to going in every day? If the answer is no, only you can make a change to turn that around.  Your husband or partner won’t, your kids can’t, your parents can’t.  Only you can.  When you find meaningful work, you tend to pay less attention to how much money other people have.  Remember wealth is not just about money. It is about good health, happiness, and a meaningful purpose in life. 

Note: Due to industry regulations on communication, we are unable to allow for public comments on this blog. Please feel free to email me your questions and/or comments to kathy@fishandassociates.com. Thank you.

Securities and Investment Advisory Services offered through NFP Securities, Inc., Member FINRA/SIPC. NFP Securities, Inc. is not affiliated with Fish & Associates.

From Bud to Blossom

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

I am going to switch gears for the next few blogs and shift my attention from the external resources that are available to help live a more mindful focused financially secure life to some of the internal factors.

Many women rely on someone else for their financial security, their happiness, and the direction they take with their life.  Women often stay in relationships that are destructive or abusive because they don’t feel empowered to take control and make the changes necessary to live a meaningful life outside of a relationship.  It can be painful to think about how to make your own way, to make financial decisions, go back to work, enroll in school to learn a new skill or be employable, but death occurs and divorce happens. We must learn to deal with what life gives us.

Women have the same choices offered in this life that a man does.  She may not perceive it that way. She may think that because of a choice that was made early in life to marry or start a family, or exit a career - that she is now a victim of her choices or that it is too late to change.

Let me share an inspiring story….

Mary found herself divorced at age 49. She had raised three children, been out of the work force for almost 30 years, had never completed college, and found herself “suddenly single”.  Mary received half of the financial assets from her 30 plus year marriage, but it was not enough to live off of for the rest of her life.

This was a critical crossroad for Mary.  Would she become a “victim” of her own circumstances and spend her time wallowing in self pity or looking for another man to take care of her? Or would she use this energy in a positive way to “blossom”.  Mary went back to school and received her degree. She found a job that paid her well, offered good benefits and rewarding work.  She ultimately left at age 65 with a 401(K) and a substantial amount of assets that she invested for her future from the divorce settlement. She is now in her seventies living a comfortable, joyful and fulfilling life. She is a great example of the power we all posses to bring about change to transform our lives.

Mary made some difficult choices. She made the choice to invest her settlement rather than spend it. She chose to persevere through college, to earn her degree, and to be persistent in looking for employment as a 50 plus year old college graduate.  Her friends pitied her “misfortune “and unexpected divorce at a time in life when most people are entering a more comfortable period, personally and financially. Mary is an inspiring example of the resilience we all possess.

If you know someone in this position, please share this blog.  If you are in this position yourself, I hope this story inspires you. Referring back to the opening quote, do what comes naturally to a plant.  Use the energy and take the risk to transform from a tightly closed bud to blossom into a beautiful flower.

Note: Due to industry regulations on communication, we are unable to allow for public comments on this blog. Please feel free to email me your questions and/or comments to kathy@fishandassociates.com. Thank you.


Securities and Investment Advisory Services offered through NFP Securities, Inc., Member FINRA/SIPC. NFP Securities, Inc. is not affiliated with Fish & Associates.