Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Should’ve, Could’ve, Would’ve



Finances are one of the leading causes of arguments among couples, trumping children and chores!

What is it about money that causes so much strife?

Whether it is savings (too much or too little), unexpected expenses, disagreements on needs versus wants, most problems can be traced back to a lack of communication.

People think others “should” respect their needs and desires, that they “could” be more understanding, and if they “would” just agree with you, misunderstandings could be avoided. In other words, we all want things our own way.

We often project our beliefs on our spouses without giving them the opportunity to present their opinion or view on a subject.

Let me use myself as an example. When I married my husband, my daughter was attending a private catholic school. (If you read my past blogs you are aware I was deeply in debt after my first marriage ended). My husband, Kelly, suggested we send my daughter to public school and put the tuition money toward helping me pay down my debt. We had a few arguments about this before we actually sat down and discussed why this was so important to me. I went to catholic schools my whole life….I attended an all-girls catholic high school and felt my education really helped to shape my character, my ethics, and helped to empower me as a woman. In other words, a private education was an important part of my core values. I wanted my daughter to have an experience that would be equally beneficial and I was willing to pay for that. I had considered the cost of education as part of my plan to pay off my debt, which I successfully accomplished ahead of schedule. My husband attended public schools and received an equally good education. Once he realized why attending a private school was so important to me and he accepted it, there were no more arguments. He may not have understood or agreed with me 100%, but he was willing to accept it.

It is unfair to expect your spouse to agree with all of your needs or want because you think he or she “should.”

A marriage is a partnership that requires compromise and sometimes sacrifice. Good open communication can help you to understand each other and decrease the arguments around all things financial.

The next time you are having a disagreement about a financial matter and you think, “I wish he or she would, could, or should do something” just because it is what you want, take the opportunity to pause and ask yourself why you feel this way? Consider discussing the pros and cons of whatever it is you are arguing about and take the time to understand your partner’s viewpoint first.

Note: Due to industry regulations on communication, we are unable to allow for public comments on this blog. Please feel free to email me your questions and/or comments to kathy@fishandassociates.com. Securities and Investment Advisory Services offered through NFP Securities, Inc., Member FINRA/SIPC. NFP Securities, Inc. is not affiliated with Fish & Associates.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Does Financial Stress Make Men Fat?


This headline from one of my financial planning journals caught my eye this morning. According to a study conducted by AVIVA USA (an insurance company) and the Mayo Clinic, the results suggest “stress caused by finances might cause men to gain too much weight”.

Other findings included that 2/3 of the men in the study reported they were very stressed and the biggest contributor to their stress was personal finances. Weight gain from stress is one the many side effects of stress in our society.

Even though a high percentage of men admitted finances were the main cause, half of these men said they do not discuss their finances with others (including a spouse), and only 1 in 5 of these men work with a financial advisor.

If you are a woman who is married and thinks that your husband is “taking care of business” it might be a good time to take the lead and initiate a conversation with your spouse or significant other. Many men feel it is their duty or obligation to be responsible for the finances of the household, including investments, even if they don’t have a clue what they are doing. This may prove to be detrimental to his health and your financial future. And your spouse is unlikely to admit this to you voluntarily. Men place a lot of value on being perceived as intelligent and many men think that they “should” know how to invest successfully to prepare for the family’s future.

My challenge to you is to find a financial planner that you are comfortable talking to and then to approach your spouse about getting a second opinion, to determine if you are on track as a family.

I suggest you first schedule a time with your spouse to have a conversation about your finances. Dig deep. Ask how he feels about his investment strategy, about his job about the amount of money that you may owe. Admit to your spouse if you don’t understand investments and share any feelings of stress that you have around money. Let him know it is not his sole responsibility to know everything about money , or to shoulder the burden of your family finances. Talk about his expertise in his chosen field and point out that the average person couldn’t perform his job with any level of expertise, and you don’t expect him to have full knowledge of tax, law, investments, insurance and other complex financial topics.

You can introduce the concept of going to a financial advisor to see what areas might possibly be improved upon. A second set of eyes can help to uncover potential blind spots.

By helping your spouse to realize that you don’t expect him to know everything about finances, you open the possibility of taking a real source of stress out of his life and improve his health in the process.

The survey findings show “ there is a need for men to increase their overall health as it relates to stress, weight and their financial preparedness” I encourage you to find a financial planner that you are comfortable talking to and set up an appointment to get a second opinion. By taking the initiative yourself to interview a few advisors, you become an integral part of the process and solution. Your spouse may appreciate this more than you’ll ever know! Note: Due to industry regulations on communication, we are unable to allow for public comments on this blog.

 Please feel free to email me your questions and/or comments to kathy@fishandassociates.com.
Securities and Investment Advisory Services offered through NFP Securities, Inc., Member FINRA/SIPC. NFP Securities, Inc. is not affiliated with Fish & Associates.

Monday, July 9, 2012

5 Warning Signals for Future Financial Woes

My last blog discussed why you should have open and honest discussions about money and how it will be handled before you enter into a new life together.  Here are my top 5 red flags for potential future financial trouble. Read carefully and discuss with your partner.
1.      You discover your fiancé’s credit card debt is more than 10% of his income.  If you ask your fiancé how much he/she pays monthly and the answer is “the minimum," watch out.  You could be paying off debt for the next 10 to 20 years of your marriage.
2.      Your fiancé uses the cash advance feature on his credit cards. There is never a good reason to do this.  You pay higher interest starting from day one, whether you pay your bill each month or not.  This demonstrates impulsive behavior.
3.      Your fiancé puts everything on a credit card and does not pay off the balance each month. He uses the excuse that he will pay it off when his bonus comes in.  In the meantime, he is paying 12% to 24% interest.  As the old saying goes, patience is a virtue.  The new couch can be ordered (or whatever the purchase may be) after the bonus is paid.  Impulse buying gets a lot of people into trouble.
4.      No savings account.  If your fiancé has no savings account, no matter what their job is, that should be a red flag.  It indicates they spend all (or likely more) than they earn.  That habit is difficult to break and can cause major problems in the future, especially if you are a saver.
5.      Refusal to make a budget – this goes back to #4.  My number one rule is pay yourself first.  My number 2 rule is don’t spend more than you earn.  Some people stick their heads in the sand because they don’t want to know how deeply in debt they are!
If you have observed any of the behaviors listed below, be aware.  These can be red flag indications for future financial woes!

Note: Due to industry regulations on communication, we are unable to allow for public comments on this blog. Please feel free to email me your questions and/or comments to kathy@fishandassociates.com. Thank you.
Securities and Investment Advisory Services offered through NFP Securities, Inc., Member FINRA/SIPC. NFP Securities, Inc. is not affiliated with Fish & Associates.